Crackerjackmack’s Weblog

yesterday was my last day on the job (see previous employment posts if you want to know) and it felt like the last day of high school. i did actually do work, but all the boss-types were out of the office and things were just very cool and casual. i also decided i was going to eat whatever i wanted because i was going out to dinner with two of my favorite co-workers, so i figured i’d splurge all day. that meant a big fat coffee roll from dunkin’ donuts, and you MUST have coffee with that. since i never drink coffee anymore, it gave me quite the buzz, so i was totally running around all morning. but it was fun.

the cooles thing, though, was hanging out with CD and IP after work. it took a while to get us out of the office, because little boss man showed up right at the end, so it wasn’t so easy to just walk out. but we finally all got there. now, i have had a crush on CD since my first day at that office, almost three years ago. not as serious as LOML, and besides, CD is married, so i knew nothing would ever come of it. made it very easy to flirt with him and sort of have a silly little girl crush. but this was only the second time we’ve had a chance to go out and be social. the first time was the first time i quit this job, and the whole office was there, so it wasn’t nearly as intimate. the thing about CD is that he doesn’t like to drink in public (he says) and i always got the impression that he couldn’t really just go out whenever because of his wife. not that she has him on a leash or something, but more like you go home to your spouse because you want to do that. and you don’t want to just call home and say, yeah, going out tonight, see ya. but at one point during the evening he said he was sad that we hadn’t ever done this before. aaawwww.

we had drinks first, sort of winding down from the day and easing into hanging out. then we moved to our table and i was like, ok, i’m ready to eat. but they discussed wine for about a year before anything was decided, and until the wine was decided, the waiter wouldn’t even THINK about discussing ordering food. fucking fancy steak houses have their little ways of doing things. don’t get me wrong, it was all very amusing. the food and the experience and everything were pretty much incidental. this night would have been awesome no matter where we went. i’m so honored/flattered/something that IP wanted to do this for me – pick a place, make a reservation, invite only the three of us. it feels really great to know people who really treat friends very well. i don’t mean that to sound so pathetic, but since i don’t have many friends in the city, this is just a really nice feeling to sort of sink into. we talked a lot about work, of course. there is much bitching to do, and i admit, i was curious to hear some of CD’s honest thoughts about that place. but we also talked a lot about our histories, because just like work friends, we don’t get to know that much about each other’s personal stories. it was truly interesting and heartening to hear CD be so forthcoming about himself. and he seemed honestly interested in learning about me, too. we laughed and acted silly and ate tons of food. i confessed some things that i maybe should or shouldn’t have, whatever. it was really great to feel that i have some new friends. we even made a plan to do this again in a couple of weeks, which is totally rad. and CD paid for the whole meal, which must have been around 300 dollars. then we went back to the bar, had another drink, walked leisurely to the subway. we ended up hanging out for almost 6 hours, which is so cool. i feel like i still have a mad crush on CD, which probably becomes more when i feel like he’s really sad to see me go and wants to make sure that we have a plan to see each other again. and seeing him a little drunk and seeing him get a little drowsy and vulnerable as the night went on was pretty freakin’ adorable. i was also a little touched that IP was really really sad to say good bye when we were going into the subway. i know it will be short-lived, she’ll move on. but it’s nice to think i’ll be missed. i really grew to like her, far more than i expected when she started there. 

so i walked away from the evening very very happy and feeling very liked and missed. and happy to be looking forward to more!

last night for the fourth, jelly had a party on his roof.  it was pretty much going to be a ton of his friends, his roomies, and me. so it felt like an audition. honestly, it went pretty well. i feel like they all liked me, and i was able to tolerate them. i liked the guys better than the girls, typical. i found a few people that i was able to talk comfortably to, which was pretty nice. it rained, i ate and drank way too much. after the fireworks were over, i was getting to the end of the energy i could muster for being social. almost went home, but then he told me the party was going to be drawing to a close, so i helped him start to clean shit up and then people got the hint and started getting ready to leave.

so we got in bed and were pretty much just planning on cuddling because we were both tired and drunk. so we got to talking and he totally brought up the topic of us, which i thought was pretty cool. he is pretty good about talking about how he feels and being honest. i think he brought it up by saying, how would you say things are with us…. is that right? i think i asked what was on his mind, maybe? and he started talking about how he felt like things with us were getting more serious and he tends to plan things several moves in advance. it really surprised me that he would use the word serious in relation to us and i told him so. so we talked about what that meant, and what the next step would be. i told him what i thought was so great about where and how we are is that it’s easy and comfortable. i don’t  really doubt anything or vex or overanalyze. i think then i asked what the next step was and he said, well do you see us as exclusive. i said, i’m not dating anyone and he thought that was a non-answer, that i was saying i’m not dating anyone NOW. and i said, are you asking if i want us to be exclusive? he said, uh huh, and i said yes. no pause, not even a beat. then he smiled and laid back and i said, are you asking me to go steady? and he just kind of smiled. so that’s it. as we were kissing and everything later, i thought, wow, this is me having sex with my boyfriend. so. that’s where things stand now. and it’s good. i joked about changing my status on facebook, sort of just to see what he would say, and we kind of laughed about that ridiculous notion. and at one point he said something about calling his “other”girlfriend, and it’s sort of nice to hear anything that refers to me as a girlfriend. i’m happy with this.