where is this going
I’m still not sure how I feel about him. I’m still not swooning, which is fine. Some of his annoying qualities are starting to crop up, and I think that’s good, to see a whole person. But even though I’m lukewarm on him, I anxiously await texts/emails/calls. Not all the time, but when I think it’s a possibility, I pay way too much attention to the phone. Of course, things are very boring at work now, and I’m sure that if I had actual tasks, this would not be the case. I’m still not all that physically attracted to him, yet I texted him from bed last night, seeing if he wanted to come over and cuddle. Of course, I had just gotten into bed and was super comfy and thought, man, having someone here would make this sooooo luxurious.
I like the idea of dating someone. I like having plans. I like him. I like that we are super casual with no expectations.
But I wish that sometimes he would say that he thinks I’m pretty. Or cool. Or something I did was interesting to him. Or that he likes me. I think that’s it, I would like a compliment and I would like him to say that he likes me.
Conversely, when I compliment him, he always makes a joke about it and never says thanks. I have no problem with confidence, but when you thank someone for doing something thoughtful, it’s just polite to say you’re welcome. When you tell someone they are foxy or cool, it’s just polite to say thank you. Always making it a joke – probably a sign of insecurity about receiving a compliment, but it gets old. And we’ve only known each other for a few weeks. It makes me not want to say nice things to him.
I’m not crazy about his female friends, but I like his male friends. That’s pretty typical for me, re: men and women. But there is one girl whom I believe he has dated, and she’s really annoying. It’s not jealousy, not in the slightest. She was annoying before I even knew she knew him. I had seen her around the bar. But then I find out they dated and it makes me question why he chooses the girls he dates. I feel like I’m totally different from any of them. Why did he seek me out?
I also feel a little detached from what has gone on with us physically. When I think about how I viewed him on the night we met, I feel like he is not the person that I had sex with last week. There is some state of disconnect between us and I don’t know what it is. Is it just a matter of still getting to know each other? Am I doubting that he likes me? Partly, yes. I’m not sure that he likes me because he never says, I like you. If only he knew how much weight that would carry.
