Archive for June 2008
when someone likes you
this isn’t some dumbass girly post like, omg, he likes me <head twitch giggle>. what i’m thinking is that it’s so extraordinary to me to really consider someone liking you. this doesn’t even necessarily only pertain to dating. you know yourself better than anyone. you know all the fucked up stuff about yourself. to think that someone accepts all that and still likes you, that can boggle the mind. to really think, man, there must be enough good stuff about me to outweigh the shit, that’s pretty amazing.
now, with jelly, i’m right in the middle of that thought pattern. he liked me enough, after meeting me VERY briefly, to spend a bunch of time trying to find me. he only knew my first name and what i do for a living, and put in enough effort to actually locate me. but here’s what’s currently on my mind – the past couple of times he’s gone out of town for the weekend, he has called me, just to say hi. here he is, with a bunch of things on his mind, and he calls ME, because i am one of the things on his mind!
now i may be the cerebral type, but when i actually take the time to think about someone, they’ve made an impression on me. most of the time, i don’t think about people at all, so when a person is in my thoughts, it’s pretty significant. to consider that i would have made that much of an impression on someone else is a pretty big deal to me.
i’m not hugely crazy about how this post turned out, but it’s what’s on my mind.
suddenly unemployed
i’ve been working as a receptionist in midtown for about a year. it’s a company i first linked up with through a temp service, a couple of years ago. after some on and off, i came to work for them directly, as a permanent temp. it’s been a pretty sweet set up, but i stayed here way longer than i meant to. i decided that i would leave at the end of august. right at the time that i decided that, they told me they would prefer me to be on payroll, would like to get on permanently with them. no no no no, i would not. but i would like to stay until the end of august, which they said was fine. (and by “they”, i mean the office liar, whom we all refer to as “dead horse”.) i repeat, he said it would be fine. but as of today, it seems it is NOT fine. they found someone else who is “too good a candidate to let go.” whatever. if he had even HINTED that this might be a possibility, i could have been ready for this. or at least realistic and not naively believing they were going to help me out. silly me.
this will hit me in waves i’m sure, but what’s striking me now is this – i gave them two months notice (admittedly naive) and they are giving me ONE WEEK. how fucked up is that.
also, dead horse kept saying that there will be other projects coming up that they will want to bring me back for. that’s laughable. not just because of this latest kick in the teeth, but i had already decided long ago that when i left here, it was going to be for the absolute last time. and it will be. just a whole hell of a lot sooner.
explicit sex talk
if you can’t handle it, stop reading right now. last night i had sex for the first time with jelly, a guy i’ve been dating for several weeks. the pace of our dating and burgeoning intimacy has been just about right, imho. he has gone out of town a lot, and i’ve gone out of town a little and had lots of racing training, so it worked out that we would only see each other once a week or so. it forced us to go slow. for me it’s been terrific because it’s the closest thing to normal that i have seen in… well, maybe ever. he didn’t even try to kiss me on our first date! and when he did kiss me, he started with just a peck and slowly moved forward.
last night we had sex for the first (few) time(s). it was pretty good first time sex, i have to say. we had already made out a couple times, so we were familiar with each other. so yeah, the sex was good. but the real reason i’m writing this is because he did something i have never experienced with any other guy, and i would have thought was not actually possible. at 5am he got frisky and woke me up and we had sex again. after he came, he stayed inside me and laid on top of me for a while, which i happen to like. but then after just a few minutes, he started thrusting again and we kept going for a while, and in about 5 minutes or so, he came again. seriously, never thought that was even physically possible. am i just uninformed? naive? stupid? or is jelly a sexual wonder?
spaghetti and meatballs
i had asked jelly if he wanted to meet for dinner last night. he said he was free and what did i feel like. i said, i’m thinking spaghetti and meatballs. so you know what he did? he invited me over to his house and fucking cooked me spaghetti and meatballs! can you believe? that’s an awesome guy right there. we ate and watched “gone baby gone” (which i am kind of meh on) and cuddled. and stuff. it was lovely.
the best part though – mid-way through the movie, we paused for a minute and he started to clean the filter on his ac, because he thought it wasn’t working right. now, i didn’t even know you could do that with an air conditioner, having only owned one in my life, my current one, which is five years old. and my current one hasn’t been working very well (which sucked during that heatwave a few weeks back.) so i came home at 6am and the very first thing i do is clean the filter on mine. lo and behold! instant ice box apartment!! i am so happy i could just kiss everyone i see. and i might. so look out.
dinner at the boy’s house
when do you stop counting dates? is it girly to say, we’ve gone out 5 times now, or something like that? when you start getting around 10, it’s probably time to say, ok, we’re dating, and forget the numbers. i would have to sit down with the calendar to count up the actual numbers, so i guess i’m doing ok.
jelly is making dinner for me tonight. i can’t remember if anyone has actually done that for me, EVER. he’s quality material, this jelly. i said i felt like spaghetti and meatballs and he said, come over and i’ll cook you pasta. how sweet is that?
inspiration
on my trip to new mexico and back, i saw lots of fat people. as a former fattie, my eye tends to be drawn to this. it gave me some seriously needed inspiration to stick to my diet a little better. it had been on my mind because while i was traveling, i was letting myself eat more than i normally do, and i was feeling kind of bleh about that. seeing someone my age or younger who is severely overweight reminds me of me and it makes me a little sad. maybe not sad, i was pretty happy. and i’m not really regretful. i think what it makes me feel is stupid. i had this amazing disconnect between what i ate and my weight. you can convince yourself of amazing things. i thought i was just genetically resigned to be 80 pounds overweight. and i wonder if these people (it’s usually women that stick in my mind) are the same. but it reminds me where i used to be and how hard i worked and how i don’t want to get that way again. espeically when i see older women, because it must be harder to lose weight when you’re older. and i don’t want to get to a point where i feel like i’m a lost cause.
zooly looly loo and tramway
went to the albuquerque zoo, which started out pretty frakkin’ cool. we saw noisy ass flamingos, some monkeys, giraffes, peacocks, and the coolest of all – hippos. i know they are the most vicious of the hooved animals, and probably among the most vicious of all animals, but i just love them. they intrigue me. i could have stayed there all day. the babies also took a little ride on a camel, which i believe they got a kick out of.
now, here is the big lie of the abq zoo – they have these trains. they brag about them and talk about what a great system it is, to get you from the zoo to the aquarium to the botanic garden and back. there is also another train route where you get to see the zoo behind the scenes with a guided tour. well. we wanted to go to the aquarium so i thought, hey. why don’t we take these allegedly fabulous trains i’ve been reading so much about. ah. mah. gahd. it was the slowest mode of transport i have ever experienced, aside from walking in the opposite direction from where you want to go. we most certainly could have walked there faster. AND – we had to pass the aquarium depot to go in a loop to get turned around, since there are only one set of tracks. but this loop seemed endless and no one was telling us anything about where we were or why we were going this way, and why we didn’t stop at the aqua depot. we were stuck on that train with no explanations or NUFFINK for 40 minutes. suddenly our fairly pleasant day became totally ass. i swore that we would not return by train. it didn’t seem like taxis were likely, so i thought if we could figure out where to walk, we could walk it, no prob. went to the aquarium, which was pretty darn cool. saw some feeders get into the tank with sharks and other sea creatures to do some feeding, that was neat. the jellies were also captivating. then it came time to decide how to get to the zoo, where the cah was pahked. the woman at the gift shop said that it would be a 5-10 minute walk, but was not clear on the directions. we went to the cafe to get a drink and asked the person there, who said the woman in the gift shop was on crack and that it would take at least 20 minutes to walk and we would have to go way out our way. since the service at the snack bar was so slow, we were getting our stuff right as the train was supposed to come by again, so we gritted our teeth and took that slow ass thing back, vowing to curse it every day for the rest of our lives. i cannot fully express the suckage and we had no other options.
one bright spot, when we finally returned to the zoo, there was a peacock standing right at the depot, flashing feather, so i got some good photos.
after that, we had to head almost directly to pick up my sister, so we could get to the tram and make our dinner reservations at the top of the sandia resort. that turned out to be pretty freakin’ frackin’ awesome, man. the tram ride was really cool, the view from above 10,000 feet was spectacular on both sides of the mountain. we saw a couple hanggliders take off, we saw the sunset, got to ride in the front of the tram on the way back down the mountain, had a fabulous dinner – it rocked.
long busy day, but most very good. sleepy.
albuquerque
since yesterday’s hot air balloon flight was cancelled, we ended up with a LOT of time to kill in the morning. i mean, we were back at the hotel by just a little after 6am. i took a much needed nap while the babies went to the pool, so that worked out just about right. we headed to old town, which seems to be a little shop and boutique area, set in some bits of historic significance. but the shops are far more prominent than the history. we went to one place called The Candy Lady, and there’s the main part of the little store, and then there’s x-rated room, right by the front door. we thought, what kind of “candy” is this lady selling? the babies unwittingly wandered into that room and got chased out by some guy before any of us had the slightest clue what the deal was.
after that we went to the petroglyph national monument, and that was sort of cool. we climbed up and down this tiny mountain that was peppered with the petroglyph rocks, got some photos, got a little sunburn – really felt like we were in the southwest.
then we drove north a little ways to find the tram – world’s longest aerial tram, so they say. sydney leaned in too close to a cactus and got an armful of prickles. not too bad, we just started pulling them out, but then casey wondered if they were poisonous, so sydney got all upset. i’m about sick of the way they bug each other. we decided we would come back there tomorrow and ride the tram up to the top and have dinner at the restaurant at the top of the mountain. that should be fun.
sister had to hang out in the lobby of the hotel where people who are involved in this convention had made posters documenting their research and had to stand by them. sort of a meet and greet, but since sister is here against her will, involved in a research project against her will, it was a drag for her. so i went down and stood with her for a while, tried to keep her company. i tried to make some jokes to these research types, but it all sailed right over their silly little heads. what boring people.
we had sushi for dinner that was pretty decent. our waiter was sort of hot, as was our sushi chef. that gave us something to tease each other about.
this morning we woke at the crack of dawn (again) and got our balloon ride. now, the thing about these rides, they have the potential to end up kind of dull. once you’re up in the air, you are kind of floating around, nothing hugely crazy. and if it was just a peaceful lull in your day, it could be pretty cool. BUT we had the most talkin’-est pilot ever. and he wasn’t giving and taking, no sirree bob. he talked from the moment he picked us up at the hotel, all through the flight, all the way home – it was my personal hell. watching the inflation was pretty cool, watching other balloons take off was also cool. but it didn’t make me as nervous as i thought it might. i never felt like we were going to fall out or get blown away, or go too high. it was a little less spectacular than i had hoped. still fun, still glad i did it. but also, when it was over, i was ready for it to just be over. but we had to all go back to the launch site, get our certificates and pins, pay, and have a toast. that’s fine, but the guy giving the toast had to give the whole friggin’ history of air ballooning before it. so we’re standing there going, is this a rule of piloting? do you have to be the longest winded motherfucker on the planet before you get your license?
failure number one
we got up at th ass crack of dawn and met the van and went out to the launch site and… it rained. so the trip up in the hot air balloon was cancelled today. we are going to try it tomorrow, same time, same place, same everything. sigh. did i ever mention that i’m a rain deity and precipitation follows me wherever i go because it longs to be near me?
abq
trip to albuquerque went pretty smoothly. i ate too much. bbq beef sammich and fries at 930a are not a great way to start the day. what was i thinking. the abq airport looks like the southwest, with the colors and the chairs. it just seems to represent the southwestern sensibility. and the people – there seemed to be a huge percentage of people in wheelchairs and people with mullets.
watching the plane land and meeting my sister and nieces at the gate was SO cool because we don’t get to do that anymore, with all the security measures. you don’t get to see someone’s plane pull up to the jetway and see all the action involved with getting a plane into the gate. it was awesome.
tomorrow we ride in a hot air balloon!!!
